Now I See the Staircase
by Im Always Sorry in the Morning
Summary: Derek does a little thinking about his life with Meredith. MerDer ONE-Shot


**Disclaimer ~ I do not own anything!! The song belongs to Rascal Flatts.**

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When I was a sophomore at Bowdoin I took a US history class in which we were required to read a biography of Martin Luther King. Now I was never into liking what I had to read for school, however there is one line in particular that has seemed to stay with me all these years, "Faith is taking the first step even when you don't see the whole staircase." And it's funny that a quote about faith would stick with me because I am the kind of guy that hasn't had a whole lot of 'faith' in my life. In our society you are raised to have faith in a lot of things; God, family, friends, marriage, the government and a hell of a lot more. Yet as I have aged I have slowly lost faith in many of these things. When I was young, my father was murdered. A tragedy like this makes a person lose faith on so many levels. Personally I lost faith in God, for taking my father, and the government for letting the bastards who did this get away. When I was thirty-five I walked in on my wife and my best friend mid-orgasm causing me to lose faith in marriage and friendship. In the weeks following I slowly began to lose my faith in love; that is until I met the woman who is now asleep next to me.

I yawn, my brain sending signals that I need sleep. I lean forward and turn on the radio in an effort to keep myself awake long enough to get us home. I inwardly groan as the first thing I hear is country, I hate country. I'd rather listen to rock, but honestly I am too exhausted to change the station, so I sit back and listen.

_There's a place I've been looking for  
That took me in and out of buildings  
Behind windows, walls and doors  
And I thought I found it  
Couple times, even settled down  
And I'd hang around just long enough  
To find my way back out  
I know now the place that I was trying to reach  
Was you, right here in front of me_

And I wouldn't change a thing  
I'd walk right back through the rain  
Back to every broken heart  
On the day that it was breakin'  
And I'd relive all the years  
And be thankful for the tears  
I've cried with every stumbled step  
That led to you and got me here, right here

As I drive down I-5 I look to my right and laugh. I still cannot believe that a foghorn can come out of such a tiny body. She looks so content and so relaxed, just like the woman that I fell in love with. I reach my hand over and run my thumb over the side of her face causing her to stop snoring and just cuddle more into my hand. _'The rest you're just going to have to take on faith,' _runs through my head as I look at her before turning my eyes back to the road. It's ironic because at the time I said this to her I didn't believe in faith and she had no reason to have faith in me, but she did. I guess she knew that one day she would see the whole staircase. __

It's amazing what I let my heart go through  
To get me where it got me  
In this moment here with you  
And it passed me by  
God knows how many times  
I was so caught up in holding  
What I never thought I'd find  
I know now, there's a million roads  
I had to take to get me in your arms this way

When Addison showed up my world shattered all over again, in walked Satan's whore and out walked God's angel. I had finally been able to breathe again and open my heart back up when the conniving bitch walked back into my life and did what she did best, destroy perfect relationships. For some stupid reason I expected Meredith to come running back to me when she found out why I had left New York in the first place, but all she had to say was "it's not enough." And it wasn't enough, I knew that, I had lied to her and dragged her into the hellish nightmare that was unraveling before my eyes. I tried with Addie, at least I attempted to try, but I was slowly discovering that Meredith was it for me. She was the first thing on my mind in the morning and the last at night. When Christmas came Addie finally got the picture, I practically told her that I was in love with Meredith. Our marriage ended right there. _  
_

_And I wouldn't change a thing  
I'd walk right back through the rain  
Back to every broken heart  
On the day that it was breakin'  
And I'd relive all the years  
And be thankful for the tears  
I've cried with every stumbled step  
That led to you and got me here, right here_

_  
In a love I never thought I'd get to get to-here  
And if that's the road God made me take to be with you_

I've always been a guy to believe in happy endings and knights in shining whatever, as Mer so adorably puts it, but when I married Addie all my beliefs were flushed down the drain. I was happy don't get me wrong, but I never felt like I could be myself. We always had the finer things and the snotty friends to go along with them, that just isn't me. I moved to Seattle and found my dream come true. Meredith dug down deep and resurrected my lost dreams. She and I have a love that I never thought in a million years I would get to experience. And each and every single bump in the road has been worth it to get to her.

_  
And I wouldn't change a thing  
I'd walk right back through the rain  
Back to every broken heart  
On the day that it was breakin'  
And I'd relive all the years  
And be thankful for the tears  
I've cried with every stumbled step  
That led to you and got me here, right here_

As I pull in the driveway, I wait to turn the car off until the song finishes, because for some crazy reason I seem to be attached to this song. Once the engine has been laid to rest for the night I find myself looking to my right again and feeling the familiar smile cross my face. I lean over the console and gently rest my lips against hers. When I pull back my heart flutters as it does every time I see her eyes and her smile. She groans and stretches in the little space that she is currently inhabiting. She looks at me and smiles as her hands come to rest on either side of my face.

"How long was I asleep?" she asks while stroking my cheek with her thumb, a habit I have very much come to love.

"Not long." I reply holding back the urge to yawn.

For the next couple minutes we sit in comfortable silence staring at each other. I can't help but notice how beautiful she is even after she has been in the car and asleep all day. The moon shines through the windshield and illuminates the car revealing one of her gorgeous smiles that takes my breath away. I watch as she leans into me closing the gap between us. I've never actually watched her while she's kissing me; her features are so soft so full of love and her lips are curled up. I close my eyes and relish in the ecstasy. As she pulls away I quickly lean forward and place one quick kiss on her swollen lips.

I bring my left hand up to her cheek and softly stroke her face. She turns into my hand and kisses my palm then faces me again. She smiles, closes her eyes just to open them back up and look me straight in the eye. In her eyes I see everything I have ever needed love, desire and most importantly the rest of my life.

"Marry me Mer?" I ask shocking myself almost as much as I shock her. Her eyes quickly tear which leads me to think she is going to decline my offer however her smile speaks a lot louder. She quickly leans in grabs my face and kisses me passionately.

"Yes!" she replies breathlessly as she pulls away. Now it's my turn to smile and return the passionate kiss.

"I love you" I say breathlessly when we pull apart minutes later. And I truly do, she is 'the one' as my mother so blatantly put it a few weeks ago.

"I love you too." She says leaning in for one last kiss before I exit the car. I run around to the other side and pick her up out of the car. We eventually make it inside and up to our room. Our room, just the thought of it brings a smile to my face, our room to start the rest of our lives.

_And I'd relive all the years  
And be thankful for all the tears  
I've cried with every stumbled step  
That led to you and got me here, right here  
Oh, baby-Ooo  
Oh, got me here_

I have realized in the last few month that we have been together, that all the shit I went though along my journey to Seattle has been worth it. Each and every experience in my life has made me out to who I am right now. And if I needed to relive all the pain and heartbreak again for Meredith, I would, in a heartbeat. I know that seems crazy, because who would honestly want to relive the death of their father or the heartbreak of an adulterous marriage. Once you truly fall in love you begin to realize that you would do anything for that person, even if that includes reliving the saddest parts of your life. Because in the end it seems that the sadness leads you to the full blown staircase and the happiest moments you'll ever experience. And for those…you'd give anything.

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**AN: This was one of those things that came to me and I had to write it ******** it's not the best story in the world, but I hope you enjoyed it. Just a little MerDer action to get you ready for tonight!! YAY!! Please review!! **_  
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